Michigan Governor Explains How Flint Water Was Poisoned, By Darnell

The Flint Water Crisis has brought the likes of Angelina, Bradley Cooper and even Jason Borne demanding Michigan Governor Rick Snyder’s resignation. A recent poll indicates that 89.5% of respondents thought the Governor was culpable for the actions that resulted in lethal lead overdoses of Flint, Michigan residents. Over 100,000 people, mostly poor and black will endure life long ailments.

After an interview request, the Douche Review was told by Snyder “I reassure not only the residents of Flint but my party leaders that it was not my fault. Darnell did it. It is a tragedy, but trust me to take care of it. I take full responsibility, to fix Darnells mistake”

Snyder’s communication director, Sara Wurfel explained “we had a plan all along. We strip the residents of Flint their constitutional rights, appoint an ’emergency manager’ to oversee all operations. Rick picked his old accounting buddy Winston Davenport, changed his name to Darnell and gave him a loaded gift card to The Men’s Warehouse.”

“We suggested he look at the Steve Harvey Collection” Wurfel added.

A congressional committee is requesting the presence of both Snyder and Darnell. The Douche Review is fully confident that Congress will side with Rick and prosecute Darnell fully within their powers.

Mrs. Wurfel wanted to remind everyone “please continue your donations of bottled water.” Mrs. Wurfels husband, a top level executive for the largest bottled water company on the planet is currently accepting new orders for water during this difficult time.

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